La symphonie des eclairs
Rain is banging musically on the window, invisible fingers pressing each piano key in succession. Each little hammer is hitting a different heart string in a symphony of spiralling melancholy. And you feel it in every fibre, myosin travelling up and down each tiny filament, dragging you into a tense remembrance of everything you haven’t managed to finish today and all the things you left on the cutting room floor of your own existence. The crescendo is enough to turn this tension into dread, a slow grinding of the teeth as you contemplate the darkened skies above: ominous, foreboding and blackened by the burden of your own tears. It feels like the universe is mirroring your internal state while also mocking you from behind that cold and wet window. It’s not a time for going out, but a time for staying in, cleaning up the closets and learning how not to shiver as this ossuary of whatever it was you thought you would become unfolds in front of you.
And just like that, at one point, it stops. The tormenting drip of the rain gives way to just the beating of your own tense heart. As you loosen the grip on your chest, you realise this is but a fleeting moment, a tiny lesson in remembrance, a projection of your own need to dwell in a past that once belonged to you but now is but the territory of the damned. You have been there and you are still alive. And in a blink, the skeletons are gone, only a figment of your own imagination. They were but a part of you that served to fill the gaps you thought you couldn’t fill yourself. You leave the dark corners behind as you emerge towards the window. The sun is there, shy, breaking through the black to remind you that it is still there; it was never gone, just shrouded in your own self-loathing. And it will always be there because hope never dies.
If you feel you are struggling and can’t see the sun for the clouds, or if the rain seems to constantly be tugging at your heartstrings, try to seek help either from a friend or from a professional. There will always be someone there to pull you out, you just need to ask.
